Sooo...going along with the fact that you keep insisting that I'm a guy, it's confirmed that Justin Bieber is gay?
I just read the newest chapter on Fanfiction. I think you still need to slow down a bit, the story seems to always be progressing pretty quickly. It doesn't really give you any time to really get into it. Just BAM! People are dead, BAM! Someone's been kidnapped, BAM! BAM! BAM!
If you'd just slow down a bit, it would be a lot easier to read. Do you have the overall plot for the story outlined in your head? Or are you just going along with whatever happens? Having an idea of the end of the story is REALLY important, and it helps a lot with setting the pace of the story and everything.
I'm glad you read my story (err, at least, I think you did..) and I'm still a bit upset that you think I'm copying you. (Her name is Allie, btw...not Alicia...)
(Save the coffee boy, save the world!)